Apparently some years ago, women obtained several "rights." I use quotation marks because frankly, said rights have come with a price, or aren't really rights at all, or we're considered uppity bitches because we choose to exercise these rights. But the point being, we apparently gained a slew of rights, including the right to say no to sex. Of course, this didn't stop the Dudes from raping us at their discretion, but that's not the point here. The point is that because we technically have the right to say no (as long as we're not wearing short skirts that could tempt the poor dudes, as long as there's no alcohol in our system, and as long as we've been living as certified nuns for the majority of our lives to prove our outstanding moral cores or something), men have been hurting! They've been suffering! Because don'tcha know, men have rights, too! They have a right to sex, whenever they want, however they want, and damn those hairy-legged feminists for having the gall to tell women that they don't have to lay there and let them jack off into something else that is NOT a handrag!
But fear no more, poor, deprived Dudes! You have a champion in your corner! You have someone who is willing to fight for your right to pump away at your lady of choice! Thank God, because I was seriously worried for your poor, fragile psyches!
A sex therapist has decreed that we women simply just need to put sex on our to-do-list, and everything will magically be solved! Everyone will be happy! Except for the women who don't want to have sex, of course.
Sigh. Et tu, Brute?
Articles and "studies" of this nature do not surprise me. After all, we're a society who made it a
priority to create a pill so seventy-year-old dudes can continue to enjoy the feeling of power and domination they get from having an erection. But upon reading this article, there were some choice bits that, in typical fashion, made me seethe with righteous rage. I know, this is a common state of being for me, but I digress.
Arndt said while giving women the right to say "no" to sex was an undisputed success of the women's movement, "the female libido tends to be a fragile, easily distracted thing that gets buffeted by normal life and a couple can't afford to have their intimacy reliant on that fragility".Oh dear! That pesky thing called life and obligations, getting in the way of men's orgasms! Let's not consider the fact that women have
feelings. Let's not take into account that for the most part, women in relationships and marriages tend to take on a fuck ton of more responsibility than their male partners do. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children if there's children present, possibly working full-time to support their family because a lot of Dudes these days suffer from the Peter-Pan Syndrome, in which they're so tired of being a responsibile adult and just want to play on the XBox all day, while their wife/girlfriend handles everything else! We, of course, cannot consider the idea that perhaps these men should take some responsibility onto themselves, and help their partner with the daily stresses of managing the home, in terms of keeping the home clean, taking care of finances, and parenting. No, that's our job, because we have breasts. Duh! It's located there in the handbook, Operating While Possessing A Vagina. It was distributed at birth. Don't have a copy? Don't worry, because all Dudes have one, and they'll be more than happy to share it with you.
But it doesn't end there. Oh no, the article shares with us some of the ladies' thoughts concerning sex. It's written in a context in which we're supposed to feel sorry for the Dudes for having to live with these frigid bitches, but I call shenanigans on that.
A woman, 54, from Hobart spent the first 10 years of her marriage fighting about sex, always nervous about an unwanted advance. "He'd be snoring loudly and I'd still lie there worrying that the hand was going to come creeping over."Um. That kind of reaction up there? Worrying about whether or not her husband's hand is going to creep over and grope her while she's sleeping? That's a problem, but it's not HER problem. It's her HUSBAND'S problem, for being insensitive enough to push and press so fervently that this poor woman is worrying about SLEEPING. SLEEPING, PEOPLE. A necessary function for humans, and this poor woman can't fucking sleep because she's worried about her husband accousting her WHILE she's trying to sleep. Explain to me again how this is her fault? Because I'm apparently not getting it.
"The notion that women have to want sex to enjoy it has been a really misguided idea that has caused havoc in relationships over the last 40 years."Apparently we've been deceived, ladies. Apparently we have stupidily bought into this radical and crazy idea that sex is something that we have the right to want, and the right to not want. If this is in fact true, that we don't have to want it and we should just go along with it even if we don't, then I say the same should apply to...say...well, I'll use this an example. Smoking nicotine feels really awesome for others, but a lot of people don't like it. Think it's gross, a waste of income, ad nauseum. But if we're going to use the same mentality that this "therapist" thinks should be employed for sex, then we, the smokers, have the right to force our non-smoking counterparts into smoking, whether they like it or not! Some people like it, so everyone else should just cave to the pressure and do it, too! Because it's not about whether or not you like it, it's about what makes the other person happy! It's all so clear to me now!
Studies like this always miss the goddamn point of the Mythical Magical Issue Regarding Sex. No one ever asks, "Why don't women want to have sex?" Luckily, I have thought about this issue, and have come to some conclusions. Of course, I don't have studies to back me up, but these days, you don't need actual scientific facts and data to make claims, so I don't think I need them either.
1. A lot of men suck in bed. Sorry, facts are facts, and this is a true motherfucking fact. 70% of women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration. Since vaginal penetration is the favorite method of men's desperate quest to achieve orgasm, obviously this creates a quandry for all. Laying there while some dude lays on top of you, pumping away, getting his sweat all over you while you feel absolutely nothing? Not my idea of a good time. Not a lot of women's idea of a good time.
2. Good God, we're fucking tired, okay?! Americans especially are working longer hours, harder work days, and when we get home, maybe we just want to sit down for a goddamn minute. But of course, we can't. Food has to be prepared, house has to be clean, children (for some) and pets have to be taken care of. Women especially have a lot on our plate, since we have to go out into public every day knowing that our safety can be compromised at any moment, that the majority of society hates us, whether it's blatant misogyny or subconscious hatred. I know I'm fucking tired when I come home from going to work, after having to deal with all the ridiculous sexist bullshit I encounter just by Existing While Female. I imagine that a woman with children and a house that society says they must maintain are probably even more tired.
I resent the notion that men's orgasms are so goddamn important that they trump all of women's needs, desires, and problems. Guess what? They're NOT. No one ever died from not having sex. It's a true fact, I know some refuse to believe it, but there is not a single recorded instance of a person dying from lack of sexual intercourse. But we never hear about
that, do we?
So remember, ladies. If you don't want to have sex, it's your obligation to provide it, even against your will. Even after all those supposed rights we won years ago, it's really in your best interest not to exercise your own agency and say no. Because gee golly...what will your husband do with himself, if you don't spread your legs for him?
Predictably, homosexual couples are excluded from this study. Because obviously they don't even exist, let alone have sex. Even the thought of that is just...you know. Icky and gross. Duh!
Much appreciation to Twisty at I Blame The Patriarchy, who discussed
this issue in a manner much more eloquent and humorous than I could ever hope to do.